a year ago tonight

A year ago tonight, I was a little sad that Jillian wasn't going to be the only little girl in our house. I can't believe Carleigh will be a year old tomorrow. I remember the night a year ago very well.

Jillian & I sat on the couch where I cried because of how our lives were going to change the next day. Then her & I laid in our bed watching Cupcake Wars before she went to bed. The normal thoughts were going through my head, like if I was going to be able to love Carleigh the way I love Jillian. I was worried about how I was going to be a mommy to two kids. I was worried about how I was going to be a good mommy to Jillian when I knew I was going to be sleep deprived taking care of Carleigh for hours through the night. I was also worried about how Jillian was going to handle not being the only child, would she be jealous? would she be mean to Carleigh? So many insecurities & questions were running through my head. I am so happy to say, I had nothing to worry about as I look back now....

I absolutely love Carleigh as much as I do Jillian. I have somehow managed to be a mommy to 2 girls (thanks to Chris of course, kudos to single moms). I don't know how I did it, but I think I have been a pretty good mommy to Jillian even though I am STILL sleep deprived (a few hills along the way of course). And Jillian has amazed me with how great of a sister she is to Carleigh. It brings tears to my eyes as I type this with the love that Jillian has for her. I think the love for Carleigh was as instant for Jillian as it was for Chris & I. And I know they are not always going to like each other, but right now it is so cute how much Jillian cares for her. She is always so worried when Carleigh is crying, wanting to make her feel better. Always wanting to include Carleigh in whatever we are doing. Goes and sees her a couple of times at daycare because she misses her. Always trying to make her laugh. The other night, Carleigh woke up while Jillian was laying in bed still awake & the next thing I knew, instead of crying, I hear Carleigh giggling. I don't know what Jillian was doing to make her laugh, but she was giggling quite a bit. THAT made my heart fill with joy! Then tonight as we were driving home, I heard Carleigh laughing & it was because Jillian was doing something silly to her to make her laugh.

So as I wrap up my rambling, I am happy to say having Carleigh has changed our lives for sure, but all for the better! I never understood it before when people said their lives were complete because of certain situations, but I can sit here & honestly & securely say, my life was complete the day that beautiful girl was born! She scared us quite a bit those first few days, but has brought us great joy from day one.